Get it?
Our delicious coffee beans which are imported on the backs of Emus through the Alps in Germany, shipped on catamarans through the seven seas, delivered by umpa lumpas, ground by oxen on grinding stones carved from the nose-tip of the sphinx's statue, and then steeped for 24h in artisinal tap water from swfl.
How much of this cold coffee should I buy, you ask?
If you are generally a morning person who usually annoys everyone in the office as soon as you arrive, this package is for you. You just drink for the taste. Enjoy your tiny 8oz cup every day. You will receive 1/2 gallon per week.
Let's be honest. Getting up in the morning sucks. But the last thing you want to do is get to work without having properly shaken up that 10h old poop in your colon. A single 8oz cup just won't cut it. Get the gallon bag and allow yourself a proper pint of morning brew. You will receive 1 gallon per week
You keep the Big Gulp cups around? You installed a cupholder upgrade in your Prius? All to make sure you can go anywhere with at least 128oz of damn fucking cold ass coffee? Then this is the pack for you. A gallon a day keeps the sleep away. You will receive 7 gallons per week.
This liquid is like chicken noodle soup, but without the chicken, and without the noodles. And instead more like a coffee bean stew. But not cooked but kinda like if you just forget to turn on the stove for 24h, and then get so hungry that you just don't care anymore that it's not even a meal. What? Yes... Not Hot coffee is the shit.
Helene Hu
If you have any questions fill in the form below & we'll probably never even read it, but you will feel better thinking we care about what you have to say!
